A golfer goes on a Las Vegas vacation where he golfs all day then gambles at night. One night he's on a great winning streak when he takes a drink. Next thing he knows, he wakes up in a strange hotel room. He looks to his left and sees a woman he's never seen before. He looks right and sees a marriage certificate framed on the bedstand with his name on it (along with a name he doesn't know). 
Just then she starts to wake up.

He says to her: "I don't really remember last night, but did we get married?"
 "Oh, yes" she responds, "It was so romantic"
He replies, "I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I willing to stand behind my committment, but I should warn you, I'm a golfer and while you'll see me in the evenings, during the daylight hours I'll be out on the course" She says, "I appreciate your honesty, so I should be honest too. I'm a hooker"

"That's okay, just turn your clubface outward..." 

"Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part.  It was very 
houghtful and respectful of you to do that," his friend says.

"Well," Harry replies, "I was married to her for 30 years, it was the 
least I could do."

A businessman traveled to Japan to meet and play golf with a few 
Japanese business associates.  Having nothing to do the night before his 
game, he decided to solicit the services of a prostitute.

Later, when they were in the throes of passion, she suddenly screamed 
out "Kawasaki!" Not knowing the translation, he figured it meant he was 
performing exceptionally well, and so he kept going.

Again she screamed, "Kawasaki!  Kawasaki!" And again, he smiled proudly 
at this congratulation and continued.

Finally, she shrieked "KAWASAKI!" a third time, jumped out of bed and 
ran from the room. "Must have been too good for her!" he thought to 
himself, and went to sleep contented with himself.

The next day, while in the middle of his round of golf, one of his 
Japanese associates hit a perfect 6-iron off the tee right into the cup 
for a hole-in-one!  Remembering his new word and wanting to impress his 
associates with his linguistic proficiency, the man yelled out 
Kawasaki!"
 
Perplexed, the Japanese golfer turned to him and asked, "What do you 
mean, wrong hole?"

Two golfers are at the first tee. The first golfer said. "Hey, guess what?! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" 
The second golfer replies, "Great trade!"

Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par 3. They can see the
flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and 
the second golfer does the same. They proceed to the green to find their 
balls.
 
One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other found its way into 
the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the same type of balls, 
Top-Flite 2, so they couldn't determine which ball was which. They 
decide to ask the course pro to decide their fate.

After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro 
asks, "Which one of you is playing the orange ball?"

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a
woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened
and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was
having a reaction. 

"Where was she bit?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." was the 
reply. 

He then replied, "Wow! She must have been standing right over the hive."

A golfer walks back into the clubhouse shortly after he had begun playing 
a round. He had a seven iron wrapped around his neck. 

"What happened?!" asked the club pro.

"I was playing with that threesome of ladies you put me with. One of them 
sliced a ball into the cow pasture next to the first fairway. She was 
having trouble locating her ball, so I climbed over the fence to help her 
find it. Just when we were about to give up, I noticed that a cow had a 
golf ball stuck under its tail. 

"So, I lifted the cow's tail and asked her, 'Hey lady, does this look like 
yours?'"

Q: Why do they call it "golf"?
A: All the good four-letter words were taken.

It was a Sunday morning and four good buddies were at the first tee. Number 
one said, "This golf game is costing me dinner for my wife tonight." 

Number two said, "That's nothing, I had to agree to my wife's parents 
spending the weekend with us." 

"Ha!" said number three, "I had to give my old lady the credit card to go 
shopping." 

Number four said "Boy are you guys ever screwed up. I woke up this morning 
and the wife asked what I was planning. I replied 'Golf course or 
intercourse?' She said, 'Take a sweater' and went back to sleep."